It was a strange day, my husband's unit
in Michigan had been trying to reach him most of the day. We live in
California and I never really remembered hearing them call so much.
That evening, after I had just put down our baby and 4 year old son
to bed, my husband sat me down on the couch. He had been acting
strange and I was wondering if the stress of having made an
international move, buying a house, losing his father, having a baby
in addition to an independent toddler all within a year was getting
to him. “Honey, I have some hard news to give you.” And that is
where things began to spiral into the rabbit's hole for me.
'WHAT do they want a submariner in the desert for?'
He was being deployed to a remote area
in Afghanistan. All the usual questions came flooding into my head,
'The Army?!
Don't they have their own people? 13 MONTHS?!!' And finally the, “Are
you kidding me?” He wasn't kidding and no I couldn't break his legs
(he wouldn't let me even try -chicken!).
Fast forward a few months into the
deployment and I was feeling very alone, isolated, overwhelmed and
TIRED. Trying to be a full time single parent was wearing on me.
During this time of deployment we took a salary hit. The Navy doesn't
pay as well as a civilian job so we had to tighten our belts because
our mortgage and standard of living was based on a salary that wasn't
coming in anymore. Don't get me wrong we weren't driving around in a
luxury car and living in a mansion on my husband's salary. We live in
a two bedroom one bathroom bungalow and have only one car -and yet
things needed to be tightened.
"So sorry but, we can't help you..."
As every month passed major life events
happened. My father died, my dog of 13 years had to be put down, four
families we were close to moved away, the garage started to cave in,
the baby started walking, communication with my husband was getting
harder. It is then that I started to calling around the Navy for some
help. I made at least 30 calls to different military departments and
installations -Fleet and Family Service Center, Children Development
Centers, Counseling Services, etc. I was given the name and number of
the YMCA for respite care --only to find out that free respite care
is only available the the families of those with special needs
children and the YMCA is available only to those on base. Everywhere
I turned there was either no help available, a large wait list, or
the fees and paperwork were overwhelming.
I've survived this deployment by the
skin of my teeth. However, it has left me thread bare in the sanity
department. Taking care of two small children while constantly
wondering if my husband will make it back home alive and in one piece
was really difficult. Every time I saw men in uniform I prayed that
they wouldn't be coming to my door to deliver bad news. It was a lot
of pressure, loneliness and isolation because we don't live on a base
nor were there any others that I knew of in our unique situation.
IA = I'm alone??
I don't want others to go through the
tough 13 months that I did and this is why I am so motivated to start
an organization that will help support respite care for forward
deployed Individual Augmentee families -regardless of geographic
location, branch of military service, reserve or active duty,
or age of children. Once a week for few hours I want every family
caretaker to be able to have a break to take care of themselves in
any way they see fit. It is time we recognize the sacrifices of those
families left behind and it is time to pitch in support for a few
hours a week so that they can better take care of themselves and
their families --because without them there would be no military.
